"The Tale of Two Ford Mavericks"

"laugh about it, shout about it, when you've got to choose, any way you look at it you lose"

Children, lets gather round to hear Libations and Medications, "The Tale of Two Ford Mavericks". One was an old Maverick from Arizona. Arizona is very hot. He spent too much time in the hot sun and his paint job was peeling. There is a big race every four years. This Maverick wanted to win the big race very, very much. Sometimes this made the Maverick very mad and he would blow a head gasket. The old Ford needed another Maverick to run the race with him. Who could he choose? I know, lets have a newer model Maverick from Alaska race with us! Alaska is very cold. The cold caused this Maverick's engine to sputter when asked important questions. The old Maverick didn't seem to mind. The newer Maverick was outfitted with shiny new accessories for the big race. In the big race the Mavericks were racing against a brand new shiny black Pontiac. Many people wanted the Pontiac to win. The Mavericks did not! This caused the Mavericks to continually run off the race track and blow smoke from their exhausts. The Pontiac always stayed on the race track. The Pontiac won the big race! In the end the newer Maverick said she wanted to try to win the big race against the Pontiac in another four years. The old Maverick was towed to a scrapyard where he spent the rest of his days.

The End.

God Only Knows

"the only one that could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man"

Through my exhaustive investigative research, I have uncovered a video that will be leaked by the McCain camp just days before the election, a rare look into the ministry of the Reverend Jeramiah Wright.

The Simpsons

"lying out there like a killer in the sun"

Brentwood, Al Cowlings, white Ford Bronco, slow speed chase, Alan Dershowitz, Robert Shapiro, Barry Scheck, Robert Kardashian, Gerald Uelmen, F. Lee Bailey, Johnny Cochran, Christopher Darden, Marcia Clark, Mark Fuhrman, 'Kato' Kaelin, McDonalds, Hertz convention, DNA evidence, "ugly ass Bruno Magli shoes", "if it doesn't fit you must acquit", racial division, "now I can find the real killers", civil trial, Hiesman trophy, If I Did It, sports memorabilia dealers, Las Vegas armed robbery and kidnapping, Fred Goldman, Ron Goldman, Nicole Brown Simpson. The Juice is not on the loose, they're finally putting this world class creep behind bars for good. He felt as if he was above the law. We're all aware of that priviledge being reserved only for the current White House administration. Let's never hear from this egotistical media whore again. No prison interviews, no books, no autograph deals to be signed from behind bars. Just have his circus fade away. For O.J. to be forgotten would be his biggest punishment.

Seven Words You Can Say on Pay Television 1

I know George Carlin didn't support any political wonks and didn't believe in our political system. I just think this video is a poignant matching of images to Mr. Carlin's words. This was assembled by a Ron Paul supporter without Carlin's consent.

Seven Words You Can Say on Pay Television 2

"I remember doing nothing on the night Sinatra died, and the night Jeff Buckley died, and the night Kurt Cobain died, and the night John Lennon died, I remember I stayed up to watch the news with everyone"



You could add George Carlin to this Badly Drawn Boy lyric. It's a shame that on the network eulogies "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" was regarded as his claim to fame. Sure, the bit was funny and infamous, but Carlin was so much more than that. As he aged his wit became sharper. For the last 5 years his routines weren't even that funny anymore. They were just biting, scathing attacks on society aimed with pinpoint accuracy. Late in his career audiences didn't go to laugh, they went to hear a wise man pontificate truths as to why your life is so fucked up. He was more philosophical than Bertrand Russell, more cosmic than Lenny Bruce and funnier than Richard Pryor. Lewis Black, you have big shoes to fill.

A friend of mine, Bob, worked as a chauffeur years ago and had driven George Carlin to a book signing. He was thrilled to report that he was very courteous, friendly, conversant and had referred to Bob often by using his first name. After arriving he thanked Bob for the conversation and without request, pulled out a book and wrote a personal notation, signed it and handed it to him.

By all accounts the man was genuine.

Big Love

"I know you're just 16 years old, but I don't want your ID"

Leave the Polygamists alone. They live in a closed and secretive society. So do Masons, Oddfellows, the Moose Lodge Local 151, Republicans and southerners, God knows what there up to. There not as goofy or dangerous as other sects. Let people live how they want to. Let gays get married. Let gays move into a religious compound and kanoodle multiple 12 year old boys (the Catholic Church). I don't care. It would open up jobs for straights in the competitive hairdressing market, interior design and on the Broadway stage. Besides, who the hell doesn't want an arranged marriage to a 13 year old wife? Was Jerry Lee Lewis a Polygamist? Or just a southerner.

Hairstyles and Attitudes

"but I didn't and I wonder why, I feel like letting my freak flag fly, cause I feel like I owe it to someone"

The lyrics in the post below are from the musical "Hair". I pulled out my copy (bought in '71, man does that make me feel old) and played it to get the exact words. I love rediscovering an old album that I'm familiar with. The songs will get wedged in my noggin for a week then will go away and I'll just go back to listening to the static in my head. The tracks are great with standards coming from the stage production such as "Aquarius"," Where Do I Go", "Easy to Be Hard", "Good Morning Starshine" and others. I also discovered it's the 40th anniversary of it's Broadway debut in a couple of days. Sure it's dated but so are Gregorian chants and people still listen to that crap. "Hair" is more listenable.

I know that it's created by The Establishment as their version of flower power, but The Man has had their grubby hands in every movement to mainstream it, then kill it. Besides, because of my tender age the youth movement of the 60's was more the Monkees and the Bananna Splits than Jerry Rubin. The revolution was televised, it became fashion, Madison Avenue sold it, that's why Abbie Hoffman killed himself.

Now tell these people to take a bath, get a haircut, put on a suit and find a job. Fuckin' hippies.

Libations and Medications Official 2008 Presidential Endorsement-Barack Hussein Obama

"President of the United States of love, said President of the United states of love, shit, if you ask him to dinner your going to feed him watermelon, harmony grits and shortnin' bread"

I, Vicodin Beer Breath announce for the first time on the web my choice for Prime Minister, Mr.

Barack Hussein Obama. The Right Wing (and they keep proving Hillary right about the conspiracy) has painted Mr. Obama as a Muslim, coke snorting, racist, hatemonger that will destroy the country. Maybe thats true. But it's certainly better than the current Commander who is a Christian, coke snorting, racist, hatemonger that nearly destoyed the country. I like his middle name. Now there was a man who knew how to run a country in the most volatile region in the world. We can't run it. Obama's name and race throws fear into phony flag waving patriots. They say he's inexperienced but with all of the seasoned pros in the White House fucking up the nation that's not a bad thing. Besides, he would appoint Washington insiders that in time will do the patriotic thing and become fuck ups.

I have heard him speak twice and shook his hand. He didn't make eye contact. I like that. That's a quality in someone I can trust. He's a magnetic speaker, doesn't say much of anything and the crowd swoons. He's a rock star, throngs of young adults throw themselves at his feet. A perfect candidate for the American Idol generation. I like that also. I also like that he was quoted by AP as saying "Of course every billy-bob and piney is fuckin' bitter about livin' in a motherfuckin' podunk in the middle of God-forsaken knowhere. If I didn't live in Chicago I would believe in Jesus, quote Him endlessly to the point of earbleeds, stumble stone drunk out of Backwater Baptist Church on Sunday morning packing my jammie, unload a round into some tin cans on a fence, or a opossum, or my best friend Skeeter, then go fuck some sheep. Isn't that what you fuckin' crackers do for laughs? Go fuck yourselves, I don't need your vote you bunch of backwoods inbreds." He eloquently restated his position on "Hardball" and "Face the Nation". I like that too.

It's time to empty out the Newports from Laura's Presidential Seal ashtrays and make room for Barack's Marlboro Lights. So here's to all the candidates I've supported before, from John Anderson to Tits and Fritz, Dukakis, Gore and Kerry, Mr. Obama your our great white hope.

Over the Hill

"don't come a hangin' around my door, I don't want to see your face no more, I've got more important things to do than spend my time growin' old with you"

Ms. Rodam won Pennsyltucky, I just wanted you pinko liberals to see who you're voting for. The photo op's of Hills' knee jerk reaction to Obama's guns and bible statement is a classic. You know, knocking back the shot and beer. I'm surprised she didn't take her hunting rifle and pump a shot into the air. It's a kodak moment that rivals Dukakis piloting a tank or Obama getting down with the townies and rolling gutter balls. In my fathers day the media was told NOT to take footage of the candidates getting their drink on. I can see newsreels of FDR doing Yagermiester jello shots during a fireside speech or Nixon with a 40 of Old English 800 on the podium during the Kennedy debate. I will vote for the former Mrs. Clinton if she takes the primary from the colored guy. If we pull together we can elect our first lesbian president. C'mon, I'm talking about Ralph Nader.

The Truth is Out There

"git up a git, git down, late 911 wear a fake crown......911 is a joke"
I'm back. Lots to say, lots to do. I was surfing when I caught this vid and it rekindled my interest in conspiracy theories. I can't really say with credence what happened at the Pentagon, the WTC or WTC 7. But I can say that something stinks in Shanksville.

No Country for Old Men

"you got to hidey-hide, you've got to jump up run away, you got to hidey-hidey hide, the old man is down the road"

They seem amicable enough, intelligent, bland. I have nothing against them although I wish Ron Paul was in this thing. Any of them would be better than W, although a plate of tripe could run the country better. Not saying that the current administration wasn't without it's successes. None of them affected you or me, the gang at Haliburton and Exxon-Mobil have had raging hard-ons for years now. Yes Exxon-Mogul has had some hard times in the past but they are sure bursting now with record PROFITS. My understanding of the situation might be naive but isn't the price of fuel which is helping the nation slump into a recession a little suspect. The price of crude is at record highs, yet the gas companies are making money the likes of which they've never seen.
McCain, who will get the nod and choose Huckabee as his running mate (Huckabee's only in it now to draw votes away from Romney as Mac and Huck are buds) appears as if it could
be a rerun of W's failed economic and foreign policies. He seems to groove on these wars (yes there are two) and they would continue.
I know this post is obvious and unfunny, but I feel a little obvious and unfunny.

Poly Sci 101

"i am a lonely visitor though I came too late to cause a stir, I campaign all my life towards that goal, where even Richard Nixon has got soul"

Rainy days and Super Tuesdays always get me down. Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter have been getting up in the grills of moderate republicans by saying they will support Hillary because John McCain is not fascist enough. I guess Hill has the right amount of facism for them. I never thought I would say this but I've never hoped so much for them to get what they wan't. Before this the only thing I admired them for was her propensity for being a hypocritical bitch and him for his unending supply of Oxycontin. Watch, when McCain gets the party nod, these two scumbags will revert back to their GOP mandate, especially with a slit for Pres. and a smoke for VP. Anne Coulter, being a man, does not cotton to womans rights. Rush Limbaugh eats an African-American once a week after marinating in garlic, olive oil and white wine. The complete recipe can be found on his website.

Yogi Pair

"you'll get yours yet, however big you think you are, however big you think you are, Sexie Sadie you'll get yours yet"

George Harrison was reunited with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in heaven yesterday. John Lennon could not attend for he is busy fucking Brian Epstien in hell. Lennon reportedly is eagerly awaiting Sir Pauls' arrival as he is booked for eternal damnation in 2018. Richard Starky through a spokesman stated "I'm still alive". I am drinking an India Pale Ale in his Holinesses honor.

Super Duper

"cheaters never profit and prophets never win"

It's been a few days since the Super Bowl. Congrats Giants from an Eagles fan. I hope Bill Belichicks' cut-off hoodie sleeves become re-animated and choke him in his sleep.

Show Me the Money

"well you must tell me baby,how does your head feel under something like that, your new leopard skin pill-box hat"

I'm going to try to sell some of my autographed sports memoribilia to a new baseball card shop that opened up around the corner a few weeks ago. I stopped in on Saturday and showed him a few 8x10s and he asked if I could come back during the week (no coin, I guess). Having sold the lions share of my collection, he was impressed with the shitty crumbs I couldn't sell to bigger dealers. All in your perspective it seems, he dosn't have anything in that store, how is he going to pay the rent selling wax packs? Autographs consisted of a couple of Ryan Howard sigs on PAPER! Know wonder he's impressed with O.J. Simpson. Good friggin' luck selling that one in Narberth.

Super Tuesday. My diatribe on that later...

My Middle Finger

"but your still fuckin' peasants as far as I can see, a working class hero is somthing to be"

I have had a gouty flareup on my left middle finger for about a week does it freakin' hurt. I can't bend it and it makes doing anything painful (including typing). At least it's my left hand. I'm new with this blogging nonsense and I checked to see who else lists "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolfe"(only 32 people do) as a favorite movie and I found a womans' blog that in excruciating detail lists her breakfast, lunch and dinner menus. WTF. You've got to be kidding. Who could give a rats ass what this fat ass eats 24/7. I can see her friends checking on her diet, "Did you eat the blueberry nutri-bars with an apple for breakfast on Tuesday?" People won't give a fuck about my blog either, but at least it should be entertaining. Chrissakes, I may have to take that movie off my favorites.

Welcome to My Nightmare

"wheres the playground Suzie, you're the one who's supposed to know the way around?"

This Page will be ruminations from an angry middle aged fuck up. No kittens and lollipops here, no unicorns and cute babies. If you like that shit please die before you exit my page. Republicans can read my page only if their drunk, stoned or both. I'm full of rage at President Cheney so some of my brain manure will be about that. I will report if I've been drinking, which is often (now for example). I will talk about my interests and my narcissm will be on display. This blog will be cathartic as I spew venom from my soapbox.
On the bright side this blog will not be all negative. I will give credit where credit is due. If I'm in a good mood maybe I won't bitch. Brian Williams is on. Gotta go.